a story...

I know this post has been a long time in coming. I've actually had several people email me and ask what's going on, and why I haven't posted! It's at least a little bit encouraging that a couple people notice! :) Anyway, for all 2 of my loyal blog followers, I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with it! I'll get better, I promise!

"What's going on in her life that she's so cryptic about?" You're probably wondering to yourself. Let me share a story, and then I'll get to that cryptic part...

**step back with me about 22 1/2 years....

Into the life of a spunky, brunette, hazel-eyed girl about 23 years old. She was in a relationship with a guy quite a few years older than her, she loved him, but they had had their ups and downs, and didn't believe she could ever marry him. While working at REI, and living with her mom and sister, she found out that she was pregnant. The realization that she had not the time, the money, or the opportunities to care for a child hit hard. Her decision to give the baby up for adoption was, although difficult, a courageous one. She read dozens of files on prospective parents...each one containing a couple that were praying God would choose them to parent the child of someone else. Each file represented love, and kindness, and family, but most importantly, God. Slowly, the files were narrowed down to half a dozen, then 3. Each of these couples were interviewed by the girl. One couple seemed off, the father-to-be was a little strange, and while she couldn't put her finger on it, she just didn't believe they would make the best parents for her child. The next couple was...interesting. Again, something was off. (she found out later that they were divorced shortly after she met them.) And again, she decided they probably wouldn't make the best parents for her little one. Which brings us to the 3rd couple. After being married for 10(ish) years, and through years of frustrations, and pain of not being able to have children, this couple seemed right. They loved the Lord, and were starving for the opportunity to bring a child into their home. Couple number 3 were the people the girl entrusted with her childs' life. Over the course of the next few months the girl and the couple bonded over the baby that was growing inside her. September 24, 1986 that baby was born into the arms of her adoptive parents. While the girl (and the biological father) knew she was making the right decision, it was painful to let go of something to which she had grown so attached. She gave photographs of herself to the couple, as well as a letter that she wrote to the little girl that was now this couples daughter.

As the baby grew and molded into this new family she fit perfectly. As years passed, she always knew she was special...different. She knew that God had chosen these people to parent her, even though they weren't related by blood. There was never a sit-down, heart-to-heart, that the child remembered, about being adopted. It was just part of who she was, a part of her story. The curiosity about her birthparents grew with her age, and in 6th grade, she was given the photos and letter from her birthmother. It was emotional, even at so young an age, to realize that it was such a gift of love to be given to someone else. That was the first time it really sank in that she was so loved. Years passed, and the pull to know her origins became stronger. When she turned 18 she wanted to pour her heart and soul into finding her parents, especially her mother. She became so overwhelmed with all the ways to find someone, and everything that went with the search that she dropped it. Afraid of what the results might turn up. "What if she was resented by her birth-parents?" "What if...?" questions ran through her mind daily. And while occasionally she would make a feeble attempt to locate them, the search was delayed indefinitely.

One day, the first week in March 2008, on myspace (of all places), she received a note from someone claiming to be her birthmother. WHAT?!? Could it REALLY be true? Was it someone just playing a joke? The emotions running through her mind would not slow down enough for her to sort them, they just sort of rushed through in one great big river. "What if it really was her?" "What if that insatiable quest to know where she came from actually found her?" After a few emails with details that only an authentic person could know, she was convinced. It was her. The tears, and the nervousness, and the excitement all began to descend on the young girl as she realized that the scene that was unfolding before her was reality. A reality that had been long dreamt about....

------------CUT!!!--------------------

Seriously? This is craziness, right? Like Hollywood style? No. Its a very real story. In fact, (if you haven't figured it out) it's my story. I am the baby that was adopted. My parents are couple number 3. And my birthmother is Jennifer Erwin. We exchanged emails over the course of a month and a half, and on Tuesday, April 15th, we met face to face at the San Juan Capistrano train station. My quirks now have an origin! I can blame her for the fact that I was SUCH a tom-boy growing up! :) (love you jen!) AND that I have such a love for all things critters and creepy crawlies! And my stubbornness and love of guitar music, etc...etc...etc...Even down to the fact that every time I pass a motorcycle, I follow it with my head. (that may have to do with the fact that she rode one until she was 7 months with me!) It was an incredible experience. Most kids look at their parents and can say, "oh, I picked up this from that parent's side," or "I hope I don't have that gene..." Or whatever the case may be. And while I inherited more qualities, and traits than I can list from my parents, there has been something so amazingly fulfilling about knowing that I still do share things with the woman who had me.

my whole life there has only been one person I have really cared to meet. most people want cross paths with celebrities, and or imaginary superheroes, or someone like that. While all those would be wonderful, there is only one person that could possibly have made enough of an impact on my life for me to think about her daily. Jennifer is my hero. Not because I believe she's "god-like," or perfect, nor do I truly have her on a pedestal. But I cannot imagine being so unselfish as to give your own child a life better than you can provide. There is only one greater love that I know...

My parents are amazing. They have helped me grow up to be a woman of God with a firm foundation in all that is right. I'm not perfect, and we don't always see eye-to-eye (in fact, most often we don't), but I love them with all of my heart. And although I have begun a new chapter in life...with future stuff, and work, and of course, Jennifer...They still are, and will always be my parents. My Mom and Daddy. The ones who have loved me, and provided for me, and cared for me above and beyond the best of their abilities. And for that I am eternally grateful!

God is amazing. The way He has designed the intricacies of life (regardless of whether of not you believe He has EVERY SINGLE MOMENT planned out for you) astounds me. The timing, and the mastery of it all is just one more testament to His sovereignty.
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That was it.... the big, long awaited news. And while for some of you, it may hold no relevance or context, it has been a huge thing in my life, and I wanted to share. :) If anyone has any questions, feel free to leave a comment! I'd love to share!

There are many more exciting things going on these days, and I cannot wait to share those too, but that will have to be another night.

Sweet Dreams all.