...i'm sorry!

I know, it's been a while since I've written. And for all 2 of my loyal blog readers, I'm sorry! I'll try and catch up early next week. In the meantime, (while I'm exhausted from only 2 hours of sleep last night), I want to tell you about my day.

Zach is the high school pastor (technically director, but I call him "Pastor Boy") @ RDFC. Every year, for as long as I can remember, the winter retreat has been a weekend in Mammoth. Full of snowboarding, great food, awesome devotions, and wonderful memories, this trip has always been a huge success. This year, however, the timing didn't work out for a full length trip to Mammoth, so he instead planned a day trip to Big Bear for two different groups. He was going to take one group boarding @ Snow Summit, and Mandi (the assistant director) was going to take one group sledding. The sledding group wound up much larger than the boarding group, but it was a wonderful day. We were stuck in traffic going up the mountain, and coming back down, but we made the best of it. The slopes were jammed, and with none of us really in the mood of injuring ourselves, we hit the intermediate run. It was a perfect day to board in a t-shirt, and the snow was awesome.

But what I really wanted to write was how much I've missed this part of my life. The ministry part I mean. Growing up at a church where I was so involved in everything going on, (from teacher kids Sunday School, to singing in praise bands) I completely took ministry for granted. It never really occurred to me that it was a priveledge to be a part of someone else's life. I knew I was blessed to have some many amazing people in my life, and I wanted to be that person for other people, but I forgot how much of an impact one person can really make on a kids life. Watching Zach interact with the few kids we had on the trip made me realize what I'd been missing since I moved to college. I am beginning to remember that rush that you feel when you KNOW God is very possibly using you as a tool to bring kids closer to him. It's not a self-gratifying rush. No, it's really more of a "wow, God is amazing...He would even use someone like ME..." rush. I've been unwilling, as of the last year or two, to really allow Him to use me to make a difference in someone's life. At that point, it was more of the "I'm not good enough for God to even want to use me, unless He's desperate" mindset. Well, that was stupid. Of course He isn't desperate! DUH! And no, I'm most certainly not perfect; I've made mistakes, I tabled my walk for a while, I would even say I've made some bad decisions, but He still wants to use me! I had this overwhelming feeling today as I was flying down the slopes....it was that still small voice that completely drowned out the shrieks and laughter and crunching sounds of the board on the snow. That tiny feeling that God could, will, and maybe already has used me to help make a difference in someones life. It silenced all the distractions of a busy mountain resort, and even all the distractions running through my thoughts were quieted, however briefly. It was, in reality, only a second that everything else seemed distant, but I could have sworn it was the whole run.



"Jesus, please use me to create in a child a hunger for you. Help me to be the tool that will be able to make a difference in someones life. Not for my glory, but for Yours."